Episode 13 — What Gives Us A Healthy Marriage

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Episode 13: What Gives Us A Healthy Marriage🔐

Marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s trying your best and picking up the slack when needed. It’s loving hard. It’s being willing to forgive and apologize when necessary. Most importantly, it’s staying strong in faith in the good times and the bad. Love your spouse just as Christ loves the church. Remember, you hold the key to your marriage. 

 & Don’t forget your marriage is worth sacrificing and fighting for.🫶🏼

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hey guys, grab your coffee, open your hearts, and welcome to A Lot to Sip On where it's real life, real faith, one cup at a time. Alrighty guys, so we're gonna hop right into this. We want to welcome you back once again to episode 13. Um, I do want to apologize for last week. We had some technical difficulties with our pad, um, our soundboard, and well, we're still having problems, but not as many. So we're just gonna hop right in it. So, um, I want to do something a little bit differently this week. Um, Emily knows a little bit about it, but not a whole lot. But I wanted to kind of catch her off guard just to get her raw opinion. Um so Emily, um, question for you. What do you believe is the most important part of a marriage?

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Uh I would say communication. Definitely. Uh, because if you're not communicating with your spouse, then there's literally no way that you can make it. Whether it's just uh just a talk, just a conversation, or whether it's actually opening up when you're feeling some type of way, you know, communication can be a very broad topic. Uh there's many different ways that you must communicate within a marriage. And that's definitely an a very important part to me. But of course, the number one would be our faith within our marriage. But um talking on a different side, I would definitely say communication is right up there at the top.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Definitely communication. I can definitely agree. Um you do you know you you do always want to put God first, you do always want to put him first in every situation. You want to make sure he's at the center of your marriage, otherwise it falls apart.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

But right up under that faith part, um, definitely communication. Communication.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

I would definitely say our marriage has not been perfect. Um I mean, we haven't had an awful marriage. We've had a great year first year of marriage. But anytime that there has ever been any issues, it has always been from lack of communication. You can never communicate enough with your spouse.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

That's one thing I I guess we I mean our first year wouldn't have that. Oh no. But um that was one thing me and you both struggled with um was communicating. And it was hard for me because well, I don't talk about feelings. And I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

And you really like to give the silent treatment when you're upset, and boy, does that make me wanna throw hands and not in a spiritual way.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Well, like I said, it's a it's a learning curve. Um, it was definitely a learning curve. I was always, you know, just growing up, you just dealt with your feelings. Yeah. Um, I never really opened up a whole lot to anybody. I did a little bit of my sister, but there were some things I just never opened up to anybody about. Um, never you know, I I I don't know. I just never opened up to people. Yeah. So that was one thing I had to definitely learn. Um, but now the rules are reversed too, because you had to learn to communicate as well.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

I did, I did. Like, I I definitely know that whenever I'm mad, you're gonna know that I'm mad. I'm gonna give a little bit of attitude with some saltiness by probably not saying anything and letting you know you better know I'm mad right now. That is definitely something that I have had to work on. But as we're saying this, that we're having that we had to learn to communicate. Um, another thing I would also mention is you have to be willing to change a little bit. Like you have to be willing to learn how to do different things, how to cope with different things, how to communicate. You have to be open to learning new things.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

You can't be, you know, my way or the highway type person.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

That's not ever going to fly in a marriage.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

No.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Like you definitely need to be understanding and on board, like um your faith. You need to have the same faith.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

You need to agree when it comes to family situations, you need to agree when it comes to finances, different things like that. Like, you have to you have to be willing to meet in the middle. It can't be I have the say-so in this, and this is how it's gonna go. I understand that, you know, the man of the house, I understand that deal, but that does not mean that the man of the house is your way or the highway, you know? Yeah, it doesn't really matter.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Just being the man of the house doesn't give you complete dominance because yes, the Bible says, wives, you should be submissive to your husbands, but everybody forgets the other part where it says, Husbands, you should love your wives. That's Christ loved the church. And Christ loved the church so much that he died on the cross, and he would not just say it's my way or the highway. That's right. You know, like he listened to the church, he, you know, sat with the church, was open with the church, and that's how you have to be in a marriage. That's right. And um, I'll talk about I I would actually like to talk about um kind of each part of what you just mentioned a while ago. But first is the faith. You and your spouse must have the same faith, have to have the same faith. Um, a marriage that is unequally yoked will not prosper. You will not go very far. If y'all are not on the same page faith, faithful wise, you know, or faithfully.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

And if you are in a relationship and you think you're about to change that man, I'm here to tell you or change that woman, you ain't gonna change them.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Yeah. Um who you have is who you get. That's right. I mean, that's that's truly just the basics of it.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

And you can see a good influence for them, absolutely. Yeah, you can be a good one. You will never change. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Because sometimes we tend to get in relationships to where, you know, oh, I think I can change them, and then in the end, they end up changing you a lot more than you realize.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

And we're not saying to go divorce your spouse if you know you're not agreeing right now. That is not what we're saying.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. If you're already in a marriage and you see that you both have a different faith, hey, talk about it. You know, you have to communicate, you have to compromise, and you need to get on the same level. Um, but I feel like that is a very, very big portion. Um, I mean, I know that we grew up, you know, kind of in the same denomination group, same style church. So it worked out really well for us. But I have seen relationships where you have, you know, one partner has never, you know, seen this in their religion, and then the other one and they go to each other's churches and they're just like, it's a um, what's the word? A culture shock.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

It's a culture shock because they've never known it, they've never experienced it, they never sometimes they never believed in it.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

And now they're seeing it right there in front of their face and they don't know if they need to believe in it or still believe that it's not real. They're faking it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

It's a hard situation.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Yeah, it's a very tough situation. Um, and I do feel for people who are in that situation. I really do. Um, but that's why that's why it's important that you know, when you're choosing a spouse, you are careful. Yeah. And you are very particular. You have to be particular when you're choosing a spouse. These are the people you're gonna be with for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Um, but aside from faith, I want to also talk, you mentioned about, you know, finances in a marriage. Okay, so this was one thing I learned after I got married. I always said before I got married, my wife and I would just have separate checking accounts. We would just have you know separate everything, she do her thing, I do my thing. And I actually learned this from a couple of older pastors. Um, but I learned very quickly that it is a lot better if you share. If you share um uh an account, and I know everybody has their own opinions. Hey, if you know you're separate and it works, yeah, that's right. That that's okay, that's you and your business. But in my opinion, this is just Brady speaking, this isn't biblical, this isn't, you know, this isn't just facts. This just what works for us. This is just what works for us. But we have an account where you know Emily sees everything that I do, I see everything Emily does. If she purchases something, hey, I see it. If I purchase something, she sees it.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Now, mind you, it's a little hard when you're trying to do a surprise or something, give giving.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Yes, yes. But um, it's a little hard that way. Yeah. Uh might have to pull out a credit card or something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

But um anyhow.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

And and when I say that, I'm not saying it as to say she's stalking, you know, or or getting on me if I buy something. Yeah, we're not trying to be controlling. Me and Emily have a very good understanding. If I want to get something, I get it. If she wants to get something, she gets it. And, you know, I don't have a problem with it because one thing we have to get in our minds is this is one thing I had to get in my mind. My money is her money, her money's my money. Even if, you know, I make a heck of a lot more, it doesn't matter. You know, that's marriage. You are one, you're not two separate entities, you're one. God made you one. So you share one bank account, you have, you know, one set amount of money, that money is both of yours, not one, not the other.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

And just and like you said, this is what works for us. We're not saying what you're doing is wrong. This is just this works very well for us.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

But I will say um that having one account, it does kind of create a uh a type of trust that you wouldn't have with separate bank accounts. I will say that. Because like, I mean, I I don't worry about what Emily buys, but the fact that she's not trying to hide it, yeah, you know, helps the you know, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 10:09

It helps like if if you have separate, and I'm not saying that everybody's like this, please don't mix up our words, but like, and you might happen to have a little thought like, oh my gosh, what if he's you know buying this behind my back? What if he's doing this? I ain't gotta worry about that, because honey, I could see every transaction that that notification. I'm like, oh lord, Amazon again. But you know, at least there's nothing to worry about.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah. Um, but that is one thing that works very well for us, and I would encourage anybody new. Um, I do want to encourage it now. Like I said, in in the end, it's up to you. But I would encourage, you know, having having one account just because it creates, you know, it creates that trust. Yeah, it creates that bond. And not only that, but when you share the same account, you are forced to figure out your bills together, not as one. You're forced to figure out bills together. Yeah, what do you do in a marriage? You work together. Okay. That's right. And I know of a lot of marriages where you know the husband's like, Oh, I'll take care of the mortgage, you take care of the groceries. And hey, if that works, it works.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

But when it comes to me and Emily.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

As for me and my house.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Yeah, as for our household, it just works better because we sit down together and we've literally just wrote it out. Hey, this is what's coming up, this is what we got. We both know it's coming out, and we both know how much needs to be in there. It forces us to work not as one, but together. It forces us to work together.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yep. And I mean that's another big hot topic is together now.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Yes, that's what yeah, that's the whole purpose of a marriage.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

I've seen it so many times. I've seen it from close people, I've seen it just all around me. It's everywhere. But like just mar couples not working together. Like, all of those children are not just the mother's responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

That house being clean is not just the mother's responsibility. The food being cooked is not the just the husband's responsibility. You know, like you've got to tackle stuff together.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Because I mean, there like I know we've said this on the podcast before, but like there may be times that uh Brady can give what 30% and I gotta pick up the extra 70, or vice versa. Like there's times that you know you've just got to help one another. Not everything's always gonna be 50-50, but that does not mean that we're not working together because this house is not gonna work with just one of us doing everything.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

No. Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

It has to be togetherness. Like that is so important to me. So very important to me. Just because you're gonna get burned out. You're gonna get burned out if all the everything is on top of you. Like you will get burned out very quickly from that.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

And also, I mean, when you work together, when you do it as a team, like um, there's been many times when me and Emily, I don't expect her just to clean the entire house by herself. I don't expect to, you know, she she babysits during the day. I have my job during the day. In the evenings, I don't expect me to just sit back and watch her clean the house. No, we work, we've worked together, and we number one, we get it done quicker. And number two, it you know, you can bond.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

That's what you're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

You can bond while you're doing it, you know. And that brings you even closer to one another. It does, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

And I know, like, I feel like sometimes people are like, oh my lord, y'all been together for or married for one year, y'all don't really know what you're talking about, honey. This first year of marriage has taught us some things. I feel like we've been in a few valleys throughout this marriage, and we have just made it to the mountaintop together. Together.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Well, and I I also I'm gonna say this too, because people may think that, but our first year of marriage was not, you know, the the honeymoon. Honeymoon, average marriage.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Uh we was we got out of that honeymoon phase.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

We was getting hit and right and left and right and left and right with everything. I felt like we have been through in one year what people go through in about five to ten years. Yeah. In one year. And I'm not complaining because I get to do it with the person I love the most. And we got through it together.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

So many blessings have come out of all of the situations.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

And not only that, but we've become more in love with each other. I feel like. For sure. I feel like, for sure. Yeah. Um like, I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one, but I just, you know, during the day, you I just I'm just ready to come home to my wife, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Yeah, yeah. And if you're not, if you are like, oh no, let me stay away from my husband for Lord as long as I can, I'll take extra shift at work. Okay, now that's a problem, and y'all need to get together and you need to work some things out. And that leads me to the last little thing I want to talk about, and that is being best friends with your spouse.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah. Um continue dating your spouse.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Yes. That is one of the most important things to me is when somebody's like, Oh, I got all of these friends, I'm thinking, and now I do got some my my I got a couple friends, a couple friends. I got a friend. And they're true friends. Like I love them with all my heart. Those are my girls. But nothing, no one will ever compare to my best friend. And if your spouse is not your best friend, you need to work towards that goal. If you cannot go to your spouse for everything, you need to work towards that goal. If you're having to walk on eggshells, you need to work on it because you should be best friends with your spouse. You should be able to talk to them about anything, you should be able to open up to them. And the same thing to you. You gotta be willing to forgive. You gotta be willing to apologize when it's necessary. Uh Brady's mama actually bought us a sign uh for one of our wedding showers, and we have that in our room, and I catch myself reading that all the time. It talks about being willing to forgive and being willing to apologize when when you need to, and that is part of a friendship.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

It is. And um not only that, but just continue to be each other's best friend, but also date. Continue to date. Don't don't let the fire die out because you'll you'll catch yourself very, very quickly if you just, you know, you date and then you get married and now y'all have children. And then you become roommates. You'll find yourself becoming roommates taking care of children rather than a husband and a wife. So when you get the chance, yes, go on that date. Me and Emily, um, now we try to go out at least, you know, twice a month on a like a fancy date. You know, we will go ride the road or something, you know, every now and then, but at least twice a month we try to go on like a fancy dinner date. And um, I can't remember if we mentioned it before or not, but yeah, the fifteenth. The fifteenth, yes. We always go on the fifteenth, regardless of what we're doing, what's going on. The fifteenth is special and it will always be special because that is our date night. Unless it's on a you know, Wednesday night or Sunday night when we have church. Yeah, this month it's on a Wednesday night, so we'll probably do it Thursday. Um, and if it's on that Sunday, then we'll probably do it, you know, on a Saturday. But um the 15th is definitely really special. And then we try to find a second time, usually just any other time we have free time, if we have free time, but but make the time and take the time.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

That is so important.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

You know, I I see so many people, you know, like, oh, well it's gonna cost me money. I'd rather spend money uh than cost my marriage. You know, I'd rather it cost me money than cost a marriage.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

And don't give the excuse of oh, I got the kids. Take if you have to take your children. Like that's just part of that's just part of life. Kids are gonna be everywhere. Oh, yeah. I mean, kids are gonna be everywhere. And don't be like, oh, I'm a homebody. I'd rather stay home, make the time and take the time, people. Take the time, it's gone. It's so, so important. Goodness, it's so important to just spend that time with your spouse.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Now I will say though, if you do have kids, it is nice every once in a while, you know, to get by yourself.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Yeah, for sure. But don't let that be your excuse for the state.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Yeah, that's not your o excuse. Yeah, definitely. You want to continue dating your spouse. But um, one more thing and then we'll try and close it out. But you mentioned it a while ago. Um you know, if if you if you feel like you can't open up to them like they're your best friend, then you know you need to you need to figure it out. And that goes back to what we originally said was communication. Yeah. Um but about the communication, I would highly, highly, highly recommend you talk to your spouse. Um if you're having problems, if you feel like you're walking on eggshells, whatever the case may be, do not be afraid to talk to your spouse. If they love you, they'll understand. Um, they truly will. Because if you're in a marriage and your spouse needs to talk to you, you should go to them with an open heart. You should hear them out. Um and hey, if it makes you sad, that's okay. If it makes you mad, that's okay. You you can take a step back, you can take a breather, you can, you know, calm down if you need to. But um it's definitely important that you talk to your spouse, regardless of how, you know. I mean, I've I've had to talk to Emily before and it's hurt her feelings. She's talked to me and it's hurt my feelings before.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

But in a respectful way.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Yeah, do it in a respectful way. Don't I ain't saying crawl down their throat, you know, yeah. And just, you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

I know that can be easy for some people to do, especially if you've been in a marriage for a long time. But I'm the type I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Some people don't give a rat's behind if they hurt somebody's feelings. And that's where it could become a little bumpy, and that's where you need to reel yourself in. Yeah. Because if you're disrespecting your spouse, honey, they're fixing to turn around and disrespect you too.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Oh yeah. And I'll and I'll say this because I don't mind hurting people's feelings. I'll be I'll be blunt with people, but now it's different when it comes to my wife because my wife is special to me and I don't like to see her upset. I don't like to see her, you know, mad or crying. So when I do have a, you know, just let's just say I have a problem or there's a situation, you know, or there's something I'm uncomfortable with and I need to tell her, I just do it, you know, you just do it in a respectful manner. Yeah. You just we you we just sit down and I open up to you and I you know, stay calm, don't, you know, yell, don't get over exaggerated, don't do none of that. Just just tell them straightforward. You know, like I I I know I can be blunt and very, very blunt sometimes to people, and sometimes it gets me in trouble, but it's it's different when it's my wife. I love my wife. I'd like to see my wife hurt.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Yes, and think, think about it. Whenever you go to say something, you know, tone is everything, people. Tone is everything. If you're coming at somebody sideways with that tone, what's that gonna do? That's only going to make things worse. And Brady's looking at me like right now, like, girl, you be having a tone too. I get it from my mama.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

That head goes high Popping a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

No, easy. You don't do that often. Anyways.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

I tell Emily often it's not what you say.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

It's how you say it. Yeah. All the time. Anyways. That those are just a couple of the things though that is important to us and that keeps our marriage going and that keeps our marriage. I mean just thriving. And I'm thankful for that. Communication first, keeping that strong faith within your marriage, keeping God at the center.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

But communication, read together, pray together.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Yes. Be in agreement with one another. Be best friends and trust one another. Be together. Do things together.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Date one another continuously.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Yes. Take the time. Spend the time with each other. Do not give no crazy behind excuses. And that would be probably the gist of it tonight.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Yep. That's our their that's our opinion, anyhow.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Yeah, there's our advice. Take it or leave it. You do what you want for me.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Brady and Emily. Chapter one, verse one through thirty. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Anywho, we will catch y'all next week.